For those who can read

Press10 · 09-23-2009, 03:28 PM

I saw this on Nasioc in the RMIC and thought i should post it here.

Original Link: http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/show....php?t=1850607

The # in parenthasis is the area code from which they came from.

(613): She was blowing me and I farted, she gave me a high five and kept going.

(740): I would plow her like an Amish guy supporting his family

(330): Why did I make a hit list last night containing only McDonald's?
(sent) you tried to order a margarita McFlurry and when they said they didn't make those you tried to call 911.

(831): I just had a conversation with my cat in the shower about pancakes.
We both like them a lot.

(50

: awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

(702): I just woke up naked and covered in skittles. Best night ever?

(303): (sent): DUDE! MY MOM GOT TAKEN BY ALIENS! (rec'd): lol wtf? (sent):
don't LOL. its 3am and shes not home. this has NEVER happened! (rec'd): its cool i just got a txt from them saying she'll be home tmro. (sent): UR A F*CKIN LIAR! they cant speak english dumbass! (rec'd): iPhone translation.
there's an app for that.

(215): I got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section.

(401): I just woke up in a tent with this girl, sat there for 15 minutes trying to remember her name, when she woke up she said "Hi, I'm ashley." I think I'm in love!

(330): "I'm textn and bang'n your sister right now, how many points do I get?" Recv'd back: "you mother****er"...Replied: "She's next."

(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

(570): Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo 'til i google all over your facebook?

(60

: She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

(303): Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.

(604): you were about to get laid, but on your way to the bedroom you saw a Burger King paper crown. You ditched the girl and pranced around my house yelling "I AM FOOFY, KING OF THE SEALS!"

(919): I just punched a cop in the face while dancing in a parking lot, its ok, it was my stepdad and he bought me more beer cause he said he didn't want to ruin "what looked like a good night"

(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

(732): You sent me 45 texts saying "meow".

(937): Had sex with a girl and when I was about to cum... I pulled out and shoved it in her mouth... she said...how did you know I liked that...
keeper???

(330): "which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?" sent:"Neither, because it's twelve."

(337): She told me that for my birthday, she would get the word "HARDER"
tattooed on her lower back. I love this girl.

(303): I was wondering why the cops were making such a big deal then I realized I was naked

(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

(316): omg bring my wallet when you come get me tonight. i'm buying a ****ing giraffe.

(781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

(630): Received: "Who did I **** last night, cuz my bed smells like her perfume. She smells niceeeeee." Sent: "Im still here, just in the living room playing Xbox360. you smell good too."

(703): (recieved) I wish I was a penguin. (sent) Why? (recieved) because then I would look like I'm wearing a tuxedo 100% of the time, and that's classy.

(81

: she started singing "eye of the tiger" mid-****...

(24

: Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

(402): This is NO TIME for pants!

(770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti.

(304): my dad just found tit marks on my windshield LOL

(775): "before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal."

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (rec'd): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

(303): i found you in the kitchen naked, eating ice cream and ramen, and rapping about being on a boat.

(732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

(352): I just did a guy and his brother. They gave me a bottle of captain and a key to their house. Victory?

(754): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

(607): Can you cum for me in a cup, my boyfriend just came on my tits and in my hair, I want to get him back (rec'd) DUDE, i'm his bestfriend, you know how sick that is? (sent) please? (rec'd) come give me a blow job and you can keep what you get out of me. (sent) deal on my way. (rec'd) got a boner already

(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

(330): First off: I'm drunk so **** you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: **** 3 Doors Down

(330): Holy **** there are a ton of zombies coming for me. Meet me at taco bell to plan a revenge asap.

(330): Is it just me or do most whores also suffer from narcolepsy?

(330): i was preparing myself to do the alphabet backwards but they didnt make me do it.

(330): dude you missed out last night man, i was soooo hammered but i nailed the hottest bitch ever in the middle of jakes living room while everyone was playing kings (sent): tom said you smoked laced **** and drank the rest of that bottle of tequila and when everyone was plying you got on the table and started jacking off. LOL (recv'd): dude no i would remember that you ****
(sent): tom sent me the video..

GoldenLude89 · 09-23-2009, 03:39 PM

Bahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!q!@#!@!!@$#!@$!$@!$ @!@ motha fuckin roflcopter hot damn lmaosaurusrex!!!!

MustardCat · 09-23-2009, 04:01 PM

I cant read can you tell me what it says?

h22wut · 09-23-2009, 04:17 PM

i LOL'd so many times reading this, the people at work probably think im retarded

xxfallacyxx · 09-23-2009, 04:42 PM

looks like stuff off of http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

LOL_RICE · 09-23-2009, 04:49 PM

So much win at once

Podunkparte · 09-23-2009, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Press10

(215): I got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section.

(330): "which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?" sent:"Neither, because it's twelve."

(402): This is NO TIME for pants!

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (rec'd): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

These are the best! I especially like the bible one

josh_schul · 09-23-2009, 05:21 PM

this is epic!!!

Stroker · 09-23-2009, 06:08 PM

weird.. i was going to post like 99% of those a little awhile ago lol. ALL win.

toast · 09-23-2009, 06:32 PM

Thanx for that one . Funny as hell.

xxfallacyxx · 09-23-2009, 06:39 PM

why hasn't anyone picked this one out as the most epic yet?

(60): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

toast · 09-23-2009, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxfallacyxx

why hasn't anyone picked this one out as the most epic yet?

(60): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

B/C they were all up there IMO. I did laugh at that one though:P

jd · 09-23-2009, 08:37 PM

fucking love the bible one haha

09-23-2009, 03:39 PM	#2
GoldenLude89 Preludepower Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Doing Barrel rollz in OhIo Posts: 1,504 iTrader: (0) View Photos By: GoldenLude89	Bahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!q!@#!@!!@$#!@$!$@!$ @!@ motha fuckin roflcopter hot damn lmaosaurusrex!!!! __________________ White people have gold, why can't i have gold! White people have cars, why can't i have a car! White people have houses, why can't i have a house! Barrel Roll Fan Club #1 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Face book dat shit To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

09-23-2009, 04:42 PM	#5
xxfallacyxx Preludepower Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Probably where you don't expect me. Age: 23 Posts: 3,139 iTrader: (2) View Photos By: xxfallacyxx	looks like stuff off of http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ __________________ "The chance that existence might have emerged through creationism is comparable to the chance that an omnipotent tornado sweeping through nothing might assemble everything from materials non-existent." -Anon 190,556 miles and still going strong. I <3 my Honda. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

09-23-2009, 05:21 PM	#8
josh_schul Preludepower Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Coatesville, PA Age: 20 Posts: 1,498 iTrader: (8) View Photos By: josh_schul	this is epic!!! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. BB Squad #62 (v.2) OT Whorezore!!! *To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.* To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. BIG MIKE- To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. -Frank

09-23-2009, 06:08 PM	#9
Stroker Lude Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: in your hair Age: 20 Posts: 681 iTrader: (1)	weird.. i was going to post like 99% of those a little awhile ago lol. ALL win. __________________ I bump sticky'd threads. Y tu madre. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. BB Squad \| #52. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. CPC.com \| StoopidPyro

09-23-2009, 06:32 PM	#10
toast Fuuuuuuuu Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: :noitacoL Age: 28 Posts: 1,562 iTrader: (2) View Photos By: toast	Thanx for that one . Funny as hell. __________________ - - - - - - - - - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

09-23-2009, 04:01 PM	#3
MustardCat 16-Bit Era! Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Mount Vernon, WA Age: 27 Posts: 5,887 iTrader: (48) View Photos By: MustardCat	I cant read can you tell me what it says?

09-23-2009, 06:39 PM	#11
xxfallacyxx Preludepower Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Probably where you don't expect me. Age: 23 Posts: 3,139 iTrader: (2) View Photos By: xxfallacyxx	why hasn't anyone picked this one out as the most epic yet? (60): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" __________________ "The chance that existence might have emerged through creationism is comparable to the chance that an omnipotent tornado sweeping through nothing might assemble everything from materials non-existent." -Anon 190,556 miles and still going strong. I <3 my Honda. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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