[Press10]

I saw this on Nasioc in the RMIC and thought i should post it here.

Original Link: http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/show....php?t=1850607


The # in parenthasis is the area code from which they came from.



(613): She was blowing me and I farted, she gave me a high five and kept going.



(740): I would plow her like an Amish guy supporting his family



(330): Why did I make a hit list last night containing only McDonald's?
(sent) you tried to order a margarita McFlurry and when they said they didn't make those you tried to call 911.



(831): I just had a conversation with my cat in the shower about pancakes.
We both like them a lot.



(50: awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.



(702): I just woke up naked and covered in skittles. Best night ever?



(303): (sent): DUDE! MY MOM GOT TAKEN BY ALIENS! (rec'd): lol wtf? (sent):
don't LOL. its 3am and shes not home. this has NEVER happened! (rec'd): its cool i just got a txt from them saying she'll be home tmro. (sent): UR A F*CKIN LIAR! they cant speak english dumbass! (rec'd): iPhone translation.
there's an app for that.



(215): I got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section.



(401): I just woke up in a tent with this girl, sat there for 15 minutes trying to remember her name, when she woke up she said "Hi, I'm ashley." I think I'm in love!



(330): "I'm textn and bang'n your sister right now, how many points do I get?" Recv'd back: "you mother****er"...Replied: "She's next."



(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now



(570): Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo 'til i google all over your facebook?



(60: She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"



(303): Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.



(604): you were about to get laid, but on your way to the bedroom you saw a Burger King paper crown. You ditched the girl and pranced around my house yelling "I AM FOOFY, KING OF THE SEALS!"



(919): I just punched a cop in the face while dancing in a parking lot, its ok, it was my stepdad and he bought me more beer cause he said he didn't want to ruin "what looked like a good night"



(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.



(732): You sent me 45 texts saying "meow".



(937): Had sex with a girl and when I was about to cum... I pulled out and shoved it in her mouth... she said...how did you know I liked that...
keeper???



(330): "which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?" sent:"Neither, because it's twelve."



(337): She told me that for my birthday, she would get the word "HARDER"
tattooed on her lower back. I love this girl.



(303): I was wondering why the cops were making such a big deal then I realized I was naked



(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.



(316): omg bring my wallet when you come get me tonight. i'm buying a ****ing giraffe.



(781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed



(630): Received: "Who did I **** last night, cuz my bed smells like her perfume. She smells niceeeeee." Sent: "Im still here, just in the living room playing Xbox360. you smell good too."



(703): (recieved) I wish I was a penguin. (sent) Why? (recieved) because then I would look like I'm wearing a tuxedo 100% of the time, and that's classy.



(81: she started singing "eye of the tiger" mid-****...



(24: Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?



(402): This is NO TIME for pants!



(770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti.



(304): my dad just found tit marks on my windshield LOL



(775): "before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal."



(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (rec'd): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.



(303): i found you in the kitchen naked, eating ice cream and ramen, and rapping about being on a boat.



(732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...



(352): I just did a guy and his brother. They gave me a bottle of captain and a key to their house. Victory?



(754): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"



(607): Can you cum for me in a cup, my boyfriend just came on my tits and in my hair, I want to get him back (rec'd) DUDE, i'm his bestfriend, you know how sick that is? (sent) please? (rec'd) come give me a blow job and you can keep what you get out of me. (sent) deal on my way. (rec'd) got a boner already



(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?



(330): First off: I'm drunk so **** you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: **** 3 Doors Down



(330): Holy **** there are a ton of zombies coming for me. Meet me at taco bell to plan a revenge asap.



(330): Is it just me or do most whores also suffer from narcolepsy?



(330): i was preparing myself to do the alphabet backwards but they didnt make me do it.



(330): dude you missed out last night man, i was soooo hammered but i nailed the hottest bitch ever in the middle of jakes living room while everyone was playing kings (sent): tom said you smoked laced **** and drank the rest of that bottle of tequila and when everyone was plying you got on the table and started jacking off. LOL (recv'd): dude no i would remember that you ****
(sent): tom sent me the video..

[GoldenLude89]

Bahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!q!@#!@!!@$#!@$!$@!$ @!@ motha fuckin roflcopter hot damn lmaosaurusrex!!!!

[MustardCat]

I cant read can you tell me what it says?

[h22wut]

i LOL'd so many times reading this, the people at work probably think im retarded

[xxfallacyxx]

looks like stuff off of http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

[LOL_RICE]

So much win at once

[Podunkparte]

Originally Posted by Press10

(215): I got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section.

(330): "which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?" sent:"Neither, because it's twelve."

(402): This is NO TIME for pants!

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (rec'd): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

These are the best! I especially like the bible one

[josh_schul]

this is epic!!!

[stoopidpyro]

weird.. i was going to post like 99% of those a little awhile ago lol. ALL win.

[toast]

Thanx for that one . Funny as hell.

[xxfallacyxx]

why hasn't anyone picked this one out as the most epic yet?

(60): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

[toast]

Originally Posted by xxfallacyxx

why hasn't anyone picked this one out as the most epic yet?

(60): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

B/C they were all up there IMO. I did laugh at that one though:P

[jd_6105]

fucking love the bible one haha